Soliloquy de Une
by EK
Summary: Oneshot. Using Dido's White Flag, the colonel's thoughts on life and love


Hiya.  This little song went through a lot of thinking up. I knew I wanted to fic it, but I wasn't sure for whom. Initially I thought this would fit Relena, but with a little more thinking I figured it would fit this lady better.  Hope you like it.  Usual disclaims.   Show ain't mine. This little piece is mine.  Just my notions, whether you agree with me or not. Thanks for reading. 

"White Flag" by Dido.  

……………………………………

I will make this clear.  

There are no two sides to me. There are no two persons inside one body. There is only one person, trying to please a man two ways.  

As if a woman of my caliber, training, and expertise has no right to fall in love, the way people treat me. Nonsense! I am a woman, before I was a commander, before I was an ambassador.  As a woman, I think, I feel, and I love. I love a man who will never love me back. That does not matter much to me. This is what drives me on, every single day that passes, these days that have no sense or reason. The hope that someday, you will see me.  That you will see beyond the cool exterior, and notice the woman it hides. 

My responsibilities on the battlefront and on the negotiating table are both masks for me. As a commander, I hide my vulnerability under a mask of toughness.   As an ambassador, I hide my true feelings under a mask of diplomacy.  They are not me, really, as a person. I wear both masks for you, Mr. Treize. Frankly, I want to please you, both ways. I keep hoping that you would notice the strength of will I force myself to have. I keep wishing you would see the patience for people I force myself to have.  Why the change in demeanor with a change of roles? I have to suddenly remind myself, that there is more than one way to show my love for you. 

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you

I'll tell you that

But if I didn't say it

Well I'd still have felt it

Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder

Or return to where we were

I don't know what you feel about me, sir. Maybe to you, I am just a subordinate, like Zechs Merquise and all the other premier soldiers. While I control a large portion of your armies, maybe you only see me as a reliable commander and nothing more. That would be understandable, sir. Still, it does not stop me from trying to gain your attention. 

Sir, you have no idea how much you have hurt me. You have vetoed my ideas of attack for more reasonable and humane ones, or ignored my efforts to win the diplomats over to you.  That tells me I have not pleased you, the way I want to. I am sorry, but I do not care about the other people. I could care less about the Gundam pilots. I could even not care much if OZ or the Alliance owns the universe.  If it pleases you, it pleases me, as well.  If it does not please you, I hate it more that you do, because it does not please you.  

But you do not notice. Or you choose not to notice. I do not know which. In any case, my efforts to do my best work get applause from other people, but not from you. You, who I want to please most of all. You do not notice.  But I will keep trying.  Because, someday, Mr. Treize, I know someday you will see me, and love me.  

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be

Such are the thoughts that run in my head, your excellency, as I charge into battle, once again.  My glasses are still perched over my nose, yet my hair has fallen over my shoulders. This is the real me, sir. Not the commander of the tight, well-placed hair, not the ambassador of the pretty business clothes. I am both. I will fight to the death to fulfill your dreams, but I am also scared of what the future holds for all of us.  I am afraid, but not afraid enough to desert you.   

I know I left too much destruction 

To come back again

And I caused nothing but trouble

I understand if you can't talk to me again

And if you live by the rules of "it's over" 

Then I'm sure that that makes sense

I know you do not particularly like me, your excellency, sir. As a commander, I go overboard and eliminate those you would not. As an ambassador, I ask for more than you would ask. But I think you deserve it.  A man like you needs the whole universe to bow at your feet, by force or by good will. I know you would want that, too. I will make that happen. I swear I will make that happen. I will make the world see…………what I see in you. 

Right now, I will do it by force. Curse any mobile suit that gets in my way.  Its pilot will die. He will die because he dared to go against you!  Even if your voice rings through my communicators, asking me to stop, I will NOT stop, Mr. Treize. I will not. I will not stop until they are all eliminated. I will not stop until only you remain standing, to claim what is rightfully yours.  

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be

When I see you again, your excellency, after this battle, I will be like before. I will be your reliable commander. I will be your faithful ambassador. Wherever and however you need me. No matter how long it takes, sir. No matter how many times you refuse my efforts, no matter how often you say they are wrong. Because I am merely trying to execute what I think are your wishes. And when you say you will not think that way, I will listen, and I will not repeat the same mistakes.  

And when we meet

Which I'm sure we will

All that was then

Will be there still

I'll let it pass

And hold my tongue

And you will think

That I've moved on

Your voice is still pleading, sir. You want me to stop. I can hear it. Good. Finally you have noticed me. And you actually care, that I am throwing myself away for you.  I cannot stop now, not now. I am fighting for you, sir, don't you see? And when we meet again, you will be proud of me, won't you, your excellency?  

If we do not meet in this life, Mr. Treize, I will see you in the next. It has been good to hear your voice again………hopefully, not for the last time………….I will see you sometime soon…………

…………..It's over now. I've done my best. At least you know that now. I……….did……….my………best…………for you, Treize…………..

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be

_"Control to Col. Lady Une. Control to Col. Une. Waiting for your response, Col. Une."  _

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be.

_"She's not responding………bring the colonel back in NOW!" _

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be.

_"Control to Col. Lady Une. Control to Col. Lady Une. Colonel Une, please RESPOND!"  _

……………………..

I hope you understood the point I was driving across. I don't think she has a split-type personality, as most people say, even as the show itself says. Her two jobs just require drastic changes in mindset for her, poor lady.  Hope you liked this little character sketch. Thank you very much for reading.  


End file.
